Challenging the Inner Critic

Making the impossible possible

I am a perfectionist. I am ambitious. I get excited about things, rush towards my goal, and self-loathe when things don’t work out as intended. A perfect combination of personality traits that regularly makes me wish that whoever programmed my brain could pretty please come back and fix whatever went wrong.

Objectively, I know there is no such thing as perfection. But why should such a universal truth apply to my work as well? No. Whatever I do has to be perfect, it has to be successful, people have to love it, or else… or else? Or else I am a failure? Or else I am not worth continuing to do what I enjoy?

I recently completed a draft of my second novel and sent it to beta readers after editing it myself. As soon as I sent it, I realised there were things I should have changed, but I wanted to get everything done as fast as possible. If the publishing industry is slow, then I need to be quick. If an agent’s choice is out of my control, then at least I can decide how quickly to finish my novel and send it to them.

When the beta readers’ feedback came in, I felt defeated. There were so many things I had to change, so many mistakes I had made and not caught during my previous edits. I felt overwhelmed, crushed, and didn’t start editing for another week while trying to figure out how to tackle the edits.

And my mind, helpful and supportive as it naturally is, jumped from ‘I should have edited this more’ to ‘how could I think this was good’ to ‘I am a bad writer’.

Now, I can talk this through with people as much as I want. But at the end of the day, when I am lying in bed, thinking about my WIP, wondering about how I can make a character more likable, how I can make a plot more interesting, the inner critic finds a way to commandeer my thoughts, twisting them into something unhelpful and pessimistic.

So, what can I do about it?

Let’s start with the things I am already implementing.

1. Acknowledging my thoughts

While it is still difficult to call myself out when I am having these negative thoughts and stopping them right away, giving myself time and space to reflect afterwards has been something I have been working on. Talking to others helps as well.

Actively acknowledging the inner critic is the first step in changing my thinking patterns! Giving myself time and space to sit in the negative feelings, identify them, and work through them has helped immensely in feeling better about myself and my work.

2. Writing my worries down and reframing them

I don’t do this as often as I should, but writing my thoughts down and turning them into something positive has helped me a lot in the past.

‘My book is bad’ can easily turn to ‘I wrote a book!’ Because how amazing is that? Especially considering how many people start writing a novel and never finish, this is a whole achievement in itself.

3. Reminding myself of my goals

When I get demotivated by the inner critic, it helps to remind myself why I am doing what I’m doing in the first place. I want to be an author. And I want it so badly, I will keep trying until I achieve that goal, no matter how long it takes. Because what is better than being able to spend your time doing what you love?

4. Playing pretend

Something I have noticed about myself, and which most people can probably relate to, is that I am much harsher on myself than others. It is helpful to imagine what I would say if my friend told me they were having the thoughts I am having. What would I tell them? How would I assure them? And if I can be my friends’ biggest fans, then why not my own as well?

5. Breaking my tasks down

Perfectionism and the inner critic regularly put me into procrastination mode, which feels impossible to overcome. Circling back to my previous beta reader example, the amount and the scope of feedback felt so monumental that it was overwhelming, and the inner critic had a field day telling me all the things wrong with me and my writing. As a result, I procrastinated.

To tackle this, I broke the editing down into smaller tasks. I am focusing on big picture changes first and will work on other things later. This might seem like a no-brainer for some, but logic often isn’t on the table when it comes to procrastinating.

I have already implemented a good number of strategies to challenge my inner critic, but things I would like to start doing are the following:

1. Naming the critic

Something I have seen online quite a lot when it comes to dealing with the inner critic is giving them a name to distance yourself from the negative thoughts. I still have to decide on a fitting name, though I have some ideas (which I won’t share as not to offend anyone with said names)!

2. Redefining success

Now, that is a hard one. My definition of success is very much results and compensation-oriented. The inner critic will tell me that I don’t have a book deal and I am not getting paid, which means I am not an author. If I don’t have millions of people reading and enjoying my work, it means I am not a good writer.

In trying to redefine success for myself, I am shifting the focus from these massive tasks to smaller goals. I want to become an author, so planning a novel is a success. Writing it (in my second language) is a success. Finishing it is 100% a success. I am doing great!

I know today’s post has been more personal and vulnerable than the previous ones, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. I am sure I’m not the only one struggling with these thoughts and feelings about my creative work and my dreams, so whoever finds themselves in my words, this is for you as much as it is for me.

So let’s try this again.

I wrote a book.

I wrote two books.

I am working on a third book.

I am creative.

I have great ideas.

I am an author.

I love what I do.

Does your inner critic have a name? If yes, please share so I can get inspiration. And if you have any other tips to handle the inner critic and perfectionism in general, please let me know!